2nd February 2023
The last few days have been ok. I have had the voice a couple of times in the house but thankfully my husband has been there to keep me focussed. I had quite a few things to sort out which has kept me occupied. I’ve just completed my DVLA form for my driving licence renewal. I need to speak with Dr.Nathan to ensure she is going to be positive about her answers otherwise they won’t reissue it. I have been trying to get an appointment with her online for over a week now, 3 times a day, but haven’t been successful. I’ve also been on hold to the surgery for over an hour without anyone answering it. I have an appointment with the surgery’s admin tomorrow so it looks like I’ll have to speak with them about an appointment whilst I am there. I have today had confirmation I will be having weekly telephone sessions with Peer Support CMHT so I’m pleased about that. I’ll be speaking with my private counsellor on Saturday so I’ll let her know & see if she has found me anyone else. Maybe I don’t need it whilst I have these new sessions. I’ve been making a daily list of things I want to do. I think it’s helped me keep focussed but sometimes I get angry with myself if I don’t complete something on the day I’ve written it down for. Yesterday I started training our dog to walk to heal as she pulls quite a bit. She’s doing really well so far. I just need to keep up with it. I’ve been asked to ‘Take Time’ in next weeks online support group. I think I’ll talk about loss / grief as this is on my mind quite a bit. I’ve just had to fill in a review form for my mum’s financial assistance towards the cost of care home fees. I’m going to be so angry if they make her pay a lot more. The money she received following my dad’s death should be for her, not for the care home. It just doesn’t seem fair. They’ve taken enough money off them as it is. I guess we’ll just have to wait & see what they say.

4th February 2023
Just had my counselling session & it went quite well. I told her how I’ve been feeling over this last week & appointments I have had & what I have coming up. She is still waiting for CMHT to come back to her so she’s going to chase them up next week. I have told her I know they won’t take me back on as they’ve already stated this to my GP. I’ve got another appointment with my doctor on Monday morning. My husband’s going to go with me as I get so anxious when I’m there. I’ve reapplied for my driving licence but I know they’re going to write to my doctor so I’m hoping she’ll be more positive than the psychiatrist was. My husband’s going out tonight. I’m really pleased as he deserves to enjoy himself & relax for once. It will be the first time I’ve been in the house on my own for ages. Hopefully everything will be ok but, if not, I have planned some distractions. I’m sure our dog will keep me company!

7th February 2023
Well, I managed to cope on Saturday night on my own in the house. In fact, I ended up looking after my husband as he staggered in around 3am! The voice did try to start but I managed to distract myself straight away. I had a good visit with my GP yesterday. We went through quite a few things & she’s going to chase up the referral for the support from the practice. Then yesterday afternoon I had a catch up with my advocate from SARSVL. She said that the detective had received my GP records & that she had passed details to her detective inspector to make a decision. I explained to her that my GP had sent the wrong records & that they’ve said it will be about another 4 weeks before they can get the right ones, so she is going to let the detective know. This afternoon I had my CMHT online support group. It was my turn again to ‘take time’. I spoke about loss / grief . I explained how I have lost people in my life, through them moving away & from passing away. I also spoke about how it feels, in a certain way, that I have also ‘lost’ my mum. I used to enjoy our chats & going shopping etc together. I am extremely grateful that my mum is still here, but it still feels like I have lost her following her major stroke. I got some very good advice & support from other members of the group. I am still making people poorly. I think I’ve mentioned this before but, when I don’t do as the voice tells me to do, people I love get poorly. At the moment my mum & husband are full of cold / flu, one of my granddaughters has tonsillitis & even my dog has been poorly. I tried explaining this to my doctor but I’m not sure she got it. Tomorrow I have a half hour session with one of the facilitators from the CMHT support group. I’m not sure yet what we are going to talk about but I’ll see how it goes.

28th February 2023
I haven’t been on here for a while but things have been pretty good recently. I’ve been trying to keep busy but also been having quite a few naps in between doing things! My doctor’s have sent my medical files to the police so now this should complete their investigation. I now just need to wait for the detective inspector to review the files & decide whether there is enough evidence to pass it to the CPS. It is hard waiting for the decision. It has been going on for so long now & I can’t try & deal with things until I know what their decision is going to be. I am still speaking with my private counsellor once a week which I think is helping. My online support group finishes next week but there is due to be another one starting in March for women only so I think I may go on this one as well. I am still waiting for the DVLA to write to my GP. I really hope they do it soon & that she answers the questions positively as I am desperate to get my licence back. It makes everything so much harder not being able to drive. I have to go in to work tomorrow for a catch up. I’m really not looking forward to it & I’m sure I’ll be really anxious. My support from Work Place Leeds is going to join me in the meeting so at least I’ll have someone there. My doctor gave me another sick note until 20th March. Work have still been really supportive which certainly helps. I just hope things keep on improving.