6th April 2023
I’ve had quite a good last couple of weeks. I feel a lot more positive about things. I read a book called ‘The Chimps Paradox’ which has helped me think about how I deal with my emotions & thoughts & how to change these for the better. I have attended the new online support group sessions for the last 3 weeks. It’s comforting to talk to people who understand how you’re feeling & who can empathise with you. I spoke to my GP last Friday. She said she had returned my form back to the DVLA but advised she had to be honest & had answered some of the questions negatively. I asked her to send me a copy of what she had returned & when I read this I felt so annoyed. She had said I was not stable enough to drive so this will probably result in my driving licence being revoked for at least another 3 months. It is so frustrating as I have never had an incident whilst driving. I am worried I’m not going to get my licence back in time to take my mum away for her birthday. We have booked a caravan in Mablethorpe in July so it’s going to be a close call on whether I will get it back in time. I have just found a new private counsellor. She said she has treated people before who have EUPD so, hopefully, this time I can have continuous sessions with her & she won’t say that she’s not qualified enough. My first session is next Tuesday so I’ll see how it goes. We looked after our granddaughters for 3 days this week & are going to be looking after them again next week. It was lovely to spend time with them. The weather was good too so we got plenty of fresh air. I’m hoping things will continue to improve.

11th April 2023
The past few days have been good. I have hardly had the voice which is a big relief. Today I have had my first online session with my new private counsellor. She was so easy to talk to & really understands EUPD & all of the symptoms. She has reassured me she will stick with me throughout & that there is no rush to start discussing things which may be triggering. Firstly, we are going to put some plans in place to help when the voice starts or when I am starting to feel anxious. I am having weekly sessions with her to start with & then maybe speak every fortnight. I had to pull out of this mornings’ online support group as my husband was poorly through the night & we have our grandchildren staying with us. Tomorrow, I have another session with SARSVL which I’m looking forward to. I feel better after I’ve spoken with them. On Thursday I have to go in to work with paperwork for my new DBS check. I’m hoping my husband is going to be well enough to come with me as I don’t feel comfortable going on my own. Hopefully everything will turn out well.

13th April 2023
I had a good session with my SARSVL advocate yesterday. We caught up with what has been going for the past couple of weeks & then she started to discuss applying for compensation via the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority. This is something I was not aware of. She is going to help me complete the application next time we talk in 2 weeks’ time. I’m not looking forward to when her support finishes which will be pretty soon. I always feel better after I have spoken with her. I had my last call with my Peer Support Worker yesterday as well. She starts her new job next week. She has been really supportive so I’m gutted I won’t be able to speak with her again but she has arranged for another support worker to speak with me for the last 4 sessions. I went in to work this morning to take in my documents for my new DBS check. Thankfully my husband was well enough to go with me so there weren’t any issues, although it felt weird being back on the hospital site. We had a good few days with our granddaughters. Even though they are really well behaved, it’s still tiring! This afternoon, we’ve managed to just chill. I don’t have any appointments over the new few days so I may need to find something to keep my mind occupied. I need to try & get a face-to-face appointment with my GP next Monday as my sick note will have run out. I also need to speak with her to see if she has received anything from Occupational Health at work as they’re supposed to have written to her for some details. Hopefully I will be able to cope ok at the appointment as I always find it quite stressful. They have advised me that, as well as the GP being in the room at future appointments, they will also have another member of staff in there for safety reasons. It makes me feel like I’m a vicious criminal but I guess they have to do what they think is best.

17th April 2023
I’ve just received a letter from the DVLA to say my driving licence is suspended for another 3 months. Within this 3 months I have got to have no incidents. I have just done a month so just 2 months to go. I can’t wait until I can drive again. It’s been a real pain not being able to go to certain places. I’ve managed to book an appointment with my GP tomorrow morning so hopefully that will go well. I also have my second appointment with my private counsellor. I don’t know what we’re going to discuss but it went well last week. My husband & I & our dog are going to go out for the day on Wednesday which I’m really looking forward to. It somehow feels like we’re getting more back to ‘normal’. Hopefully things will continue to this way.

18th April 2023
Today has been a good day! Firstly I had my doctors appointment. I was anxious whilst waiting (she was typically late – 35 minutes late today) but, once I was in her room, I wasn’t too bad. We went through what I’d been doing over the last 2 weeks & what support I have had. She seemed really pleased with my progress. Then I went on the online peer support group. I found it much better today & found it easier to join in. It’s comforting talking with people who understand what you are going through. Finally, this afternoon, I had my second session with my private counsellor. She is so easy to talk to. Again, we went through what has been happening over the last week. Then we spoke about my triggers & what has helped them in the past. She has sent me some triggers worksheets to complete before our session next week. I think this will really help with things.

24th April 2023
The last few days have been ok. I have been really tired for some reason & I’ve been feeling a bit low today. I have been thinking a lot about my husband’s upcoming hospital appointment & also about an appointment I’ve got on 9th May. I’m really worried about both of them. I’ve got quite a few appointments tomorrow which should be good as it’s the online group session & then with my counsellor. Then on Wednesday I’m speaking with SARSVL to go through the criminal compensation form. I’m not looking forward to these sessions coming to end as she’s really helped me through things but I guess everything has to come to an end at some point.