April 2022
2nd April 2022
Well, I managed to survive my 2 days back at work! It’s good to keep my busy. I saw my nurse yesterday and had quite a good chat. Due to me struggling last week, she’s arranged to see me again next Friday. I’ve been taking our puppy out for a few walks on the field. I love watching her run, galloping like a race horse! I’ve also been doing quite a lot of diamond painting & colouring which has helped with my thoughts.
14th April 2022
I’ve had a terrible couple of weeks. The voices & thoughts have been so loud & damning. Unfortunately I acted on them & ended up in hospital a few times. The last time I was very ill & had to have a couple of days treatment in order to protect my liver & kidneys. I feel slightly better now although feel so guilty for putting my family through so much worry & anger. I’ve seen my nurse over the last few days which has helped a little & I’m due to see the psychiatrist next Tuesday. Other mental health services have been terrible & no help at all. SHOUT cut me off when they knew I had my own Community Mental Health nurse, I waited over 6 hours for the Crisis team to call me back & I have just contact the Employee Assistance Programme counsellor who advised me as I have a psychiatrist & mental health nurse they are unable to offer support. It’s absolutely crazy. It feels like nobody is interested or are willing to help. If it wasn’t for family & friends I don’t know where I’d be. I’ve written a poem today which I haven’t done for a long while & I’ve posted it on here. I think I’m going to start a daily journal to see if it helps getting my thoughts & feelings out. I hope I’m well enough to go back to work next weekend.
16th April 2022
I had a good day yesterday. I went to the park with a friend and our dogs. Was nice to get some exercise and fresh air and was great to chat. I’m still occasionally getting voices but they seem more controllable. We’re planning on going out for the day tomorrow with our puppy so looking forward to that. Then on Monday we’re visiting my parents. I’m really worried about my dad. He’s not been well for a while now, he’s extremely confused & I think he’s giving up. Hopefully our visit will cheer both him & my mum up.
26th April 2022
The beginning of last week was a nightmare. The voice came out of nowhere & was so loud. I did speak with my psychiatrist last Tuesday & she wants to increase my medication which should help with the voices. I also saw my second Community Mental Health Nurse on Thursday. To top it all off I tested positive for Covid so we couldn’t visit my mother & father-in-law or my parents. My main Community Mental Health Nurse is leaving in a couple of weeks. I’m absolutely dreading that. Over the last few years I have got to really trust her & we have built a really good rapport. She is doing a joint visit with my new nurse this Friday. I feel as though I am starting all over again, trying to build up the trust, which I don’t find easy. Work have still been really supportive throughout my sickness. I have a sick note until the end of May but I am hoping I will be well enough to go back to work next week. I’m trying to take one day at a time and trying to focus on the good things.
28th April 2022
The last couple of days haven’t been too bad. I went to the shops on my own yesterday &, even though the voice did start, I managed to get back home without it going any further. I sent my nurse a message today trying to explain how I felt about her leaving. She tried to reassure me but I am still absolutely dreading it. I will be meeting my new nurse tomorrow. I am trying to tell myself to have an open mind & give her a chance but it’s hard. I’ve also got a counselling session through work in the morning. I’m a bit nervous about that as I’m not sure how much they will want to know or want me to talk about. Hopefully it will be totally confidential.