2nd December 2023
I can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since I posted on here. Where does time go? So, what’s been happening? Probably the best thing was that we saw our granddaughters on 21st November. It had been several months since I’d seen them so it was a fantastic feeling to be with them again & receiving their lovely hugs. I’m really hoping we’ll see them again soon. On a not so good note is that my mum has been poorly. They thought she’d had another stroke but thankfully she had what they call as stroke mimic brought on by a water & kidney infection. I still have the thought that people I love are getting poorly because I am ignoring the voice. It’s just happened too many times for it to be a coincidence. Thankfully she is well on the road to recovery. I have been attending the Mind, Body & Soul groups on a Wednesday morning. The last 3 weeks have been about poetry. It was nice to write words down in a different way, got me thinking about things from a different perspective. From attending these sessions, I have been asked to read out a couple of my poems on a local radio station, Chapel FM. That’s tonight so I’m sure I’m going to be nervous but I’ve asked my husband to come with me so he will make me feel safer & more confident. I’ve also been attending the Tuesday morning Jelly Babes sessions. Even though there has only been a few of us these last couple of weeks, it’s been good to chat with the ladies & has been a great opportunity for us to get things off our chests. My private counselling sessions are still going well. I just find it so easy to talk to her &, even though I feel mentally exhausted afterwards, it’s nice to be able to talk openly & honestly to someone to get things off your chest. My care coordinator visited on Thursday &, again, we had a good chat for an hour. This week started off as a very frustrating one, waiting for certain organisations to respond, but as the week’s gone on it has become a bit better, with me finally getting some answers. There is still a long way to go with regard to my ongoing complaint with the NHS & police investigation but hopefully these will pick up momentum over the next couple of weeks.

3rd December 2023
I survived the live radio show last night!! I am so glad I went. I wouldn’t have been able to go on my own as I was so scared & anxious. My husband & I really enjoyed the whole night. There was lovely poetry, interviews & music. The last performance was brilliant. Poems & singing by D3 Creations, a Spoken Word Artist. I managed to read two of my poems. I’m so pleased I managed to do it. My husband videoed me reading so thought I would share the link on here (copy & paste the link below) :- https://www.facebook.com/100002262751330/videos/223182917495016/
The whole show is on the Chapel FM website & also on YouTube. I’ve put the links for the whole show & also my reading of my poems on the Events / Link page. Today I have been to see my mum. She was on good form & we had a good few laughs. Next time I go to see her, we’re going to write her Christmas cards & I’m going to sort her filing cabinet. I’ve got a few appointments again next week so should be kept busy. Let’s hope it’s going to be a good week.

8th December 2023
The last few days have been quite busy. On Tuesday I had my regular appointments with the Jelly Babes online session & my counselling session. These two sessions always make me feel better afterwards, like I’ve managed to get a lot off my chest. Wednesday wasn’t a very good day. I was due at the Mind, Body & Soul group at 10am (or so I thought). I slept in & then 2 of my buses were cancelled so I didn’t get there until 10.10am. Being late is one of my triggers so I was so stressed out when I walked in to the building. When I walked in to the room there was no one there so I asked the receptionist where they were & he said it had been rearranged to the afternoon. I wasn’t happy! Apparently they did send me a text the day before but I never received it. So, I caught a bus home, rearranged my hair appointment, and joined the session in the afternoon. The worst part of the day was being told something which made me angry & upset. I just hope certain things change & can be more ‘back to normal’. Yesterday my husband & I met a woman from the NHS about one of our complaints. She seemed to write down quite a lot so hopefully she will be answering our questions in the very near future. She did advise she would try and complete everything before Christmas, but we’ll see. As long as the complaint / investigation is completed in full & we receive satisfactory answers to our questions, that is all we can ask for. I was so tired last night that I went to bed at 8.30pm. I had been busy cleaning etc in the morning & then with the meeting with the NHS, I think I was just exhausted. I’m due to get my hair cut today & I am aiming to wrap the rest of our Christmas presents up this afternoon. Who knows, we may even get the decorations up this weekend!

12th December 2023
It’s been a mixed few days. I managed to get my hair cut on Friday. I’m planning on colouring it at the end of this week, hide my grey hairs! On Saturday our dog started being sick. This has carried on up to today so we have an appointment to take her to the vets this evening. I really hope it’s nothing serious. I’m so worried about her & wish we could make her better ourselves. She looks so sorry for herself, bless her. My fantastic husband bought me a new laptop which arrived yesterday. He was fed up of me shouting at my old one & said it’s an early Christmas present & for doing so well over the last 2 months. What a gem he is! It’s so nice not having to wait half an hour for everything to open up & for everything not deleting automatically. I went on the Jelly Babes session again this morning, which is always good. We enjoyed a really good chin wag & had a couple of giggles! I have just had my counselling session which went as well as it always does. Tomorrow my Care Coordinator is visiting me in the morning. I still haven’t heard from the Peer Support Worker so I’m hoping she’ll update me on this tomorrow. I’ve written a couple of new poems in the last week, one of which is on my poem page on here. I find, when my head is in a certain space, that it helps writing them. I just write what is on my mind. I’m planning on putting the Christmas decorations up tonight. I don’t feel particularly Christmasey but we didn’t put them up last year so thought I’d make a bit of an effort this year. We’ve bought most of the presents & they’re all wrapped up so I’m quite organised for a change. On Friday, my husband & I are planning on going to the local social club with some friends. We’ve only been there once before. I know I’m going to be really anxious about it but, the more I do things out of my comfort zone, the easier they should become, hopefully.

17th December 2023
Thankfully our dog has now recovered. The vet said she could have eaten something or it could have been a stomach bug. We gave her tablets for 3 days & she’s now back to normal. My visit with my Care Coordinator went OK on Wednesday. She does seem sincere & writes things down which I think is a good thing. I managed to get over to the Old Gipton Fire Station before the Mind, Body & Soul group finished. We had a cuppa in the cafe as it was the last session. Hopefully we will see each other in the new groups in the new year. I think we’re all ready for Christmas, apart from the food & drink. I’m really glad my mum’s staying with us Christmas Eve until Boxing Day. I know it’s not going to be easy for her again without my dad but we’ll try & make the most of it. It’s also the first Christmas without my mother-in-law so that’s going to be hard for everyone too. We didn’t end up going out on Friday so my husband went to his friend’s instead. I struggled a bit during the first couple of hours being on my own in the house. I wrote a poem (which I’ve put on my site) & did some diamond painting which helped a bit. I visited my mum yesterday & today we’re going to see our granddaughters. I can’t wait to see them & give them big hugs.

19th December 2023
It was SO good to see our granddaughters on Sunday. I just want to cuddle them all the time. One of them wrote 2 lovely poems, one about calm & the other about love. She described all her senses. I can’t believe she’s written such fantastic words, especially for a 9 year old. I’ve put them on my poems page. Hope you like them as much as I did. So proud of her. Unfortunately my mum is really poorly with a bad cold / cough & it’s making her depressed. I really hope she is better by the end of the week so we can enjoy Christmas together. I saw my new doctor again this morning. I told her about what has been going on over the last week & she said she’s going to speak with my CPN again & I’ve got another appointment to see her next week. Unfortunately she hasn’t had a chance to look in to the DVLA decision but I’m hoping she will have by the time I next see her. I also went on to the Jelly Babes online group this morning. We all had our Christmas ‘hats’ on which was nice. I love this group. We can chat together about absolutely anything & offer each other support. Tomorrow I have my counselling session which I’m looking forward to & then it’s the Clearing Out Your Closet session tomorrow night. We are due to have an update from the NHS on Friday about our complaint so hopefully we will get some answers to our questions. We now have a solicitor who is willing to take the case on so that’s really good. It may move things along quicker.

28th December 2023
Well, Christmas was a flop! Unfortunately, my husband had a really bad cough & sore throat so we couldn’t risk seeing any of the family. I did manage to see my mum on Christmas day at the care home & we had Christmas dinner together which was lovely (not the dinner, but spending time with her!). Hopefully she’ll be able to stay with us soon. Last Friday we went to a friends house for a few drinks. It was really nice to see them again, catch up & have a few laughs. Hopefully we’ll be able to do it more often. We had a call with the NHS last week as well about the ongoing complaint. She did manage to answer most of our questions so that was good. She is aiming to update us more early in the new year. I’ve really missed having my counselling session this week so I’m looking forward to speaking to her again next Wednesday. Yesterday was our Jelly Babes session. It was lovely to hear about all of their antics over the Christmas period & to have a general catch up. Then, in the afternoon I saw my doctor again. She still hasn’t looked in to the DVLA decision so, today, I have completed a M1 & D1 form & typed a letter to go with them & I’m going to post them tomorrow. I’m going to give my doctor a copy of them all when I see her again next week & hopefully this will not only prompt her in to looking in to it, but also give her information should the DVLA contact her. I am so desperate to get my licence back. It will make our lives so much easier. Fingers crossed we will be seeing our granddaughters again on Saturday. It’s been a long time since they’ve been at our house & I know they’re so excited to see our dog, Poppy, again. I’m sure Poppy will be really excited when she sees them too!