February / March 2022

8th February 2022
Well, I’m still waiting for a start date for my new job. Hopefully I should hear something by the end of this week. I’m really looking forward to starting a new job & meeting new people. Our puppy is now 18 weeks old. She’s growing fast but is so well behaved. She knows the word ‘no’ & is so cute. I have had the voices over the last couple of weeks. I think it’s down to the DBT which I’ve been attending over the last 4 weeks. I’ve decided to stop going to the sessions. It’s just too triggering. I had a medical review yesterday. I did ask to come off my meds but they want me to stay on them for another month & then possibly reduce them down. The sooner the better.

14th February 2022
I had a really bad day last week. The voices were as bad as they have been for a long time. Thankfully my husband stopped me leaving the garden and we de-escalated it together over a few hours. I should be getting a start date for my new job this week. Hopefully once I get started my head will be in a better place and it will be a good distraction. I’m due to see my nurse again this week so it will be good to talk to her about things that have been going on & hopefully lay them to rest.

18th February 2022
I have at last got a start date for my new job! I start next week. I’m really excited but also very nervous. I haven’t worked for about 2 years so it will be a bit of a shock to the system but I think it will do me a lot of good. I saw my nurse yesterday & we discussed my job & also about the voices I had last week. She thinks I controlled the voices well & better than in the past. I really hope I don’t get them at work. That’s the last thing I want to happen. I hope it is going to be a totally fresh start.

5th March 2022
I’ve been working at my new job now for two weeks and I’m really enjoying it. The days are long 12 hours shifts but I get more days off in between which are good. The majority of staff are really friendly and helpful. I’ve got one more week and then I’m working on my own which is a bit scary, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. I saw my nurse yesterday. She seems really happy with me and how things are going. I hope she’s going to be supportive if the police decide to go through with things. We’re going away for a couple of nights next week. It will be the first time our puppy sees the beach and sea. I can’t wait to see her reaction!

11th March 2022
I’ve come home today to a letter asking my permission for one of my poems to be used in an exhibition. I’m so chuffed and hope other people can relate to what I wrote. On the negative side it’s got me thinking about the bad times & how I struggled. I’m trying to push the negative thoughts away & concentrate on the good times. I know I’ve come so far & I need to keep on this positive track but sometimes it’s hard. We’ve just come back from a few days away & it was lovely. Our puppy loved the beach and the sea & it was so relaxing for all of us. Hopefully we can go again soon.

26th March 2022
The last week has been the worst for a long time. The voices have been so loud & I just couldn’t distract myself enough to get rid of them. The Crisis team have been to see me yesterday & today & they’re coming again tomorrow and then they’ll be handing me back to the Community Mental Health Team. Today has been a more positive day. I’ve taken the puppy for a couple of walks and done some mindful colouring. Tomorrow I’m going to sort out some clothes & hopefully make some room in the small bedroom. I need to stay focussed. Work have been brilliant. They are so supportive. I’m really fortunate how they’ve treated me.

30th March 2022
The last few days have been a lot better. I haven’t been able to get in touch with my Community Mental Health Nurse which has been quite frustrating but I went back to work today which was really good. They are all so friendly & supportive & I’ve been busy so my mind has been occupied. I took my mum out for Mother’s Day yesterday & it was great to see her relaxed & enjoying herself. I just wish we could do it more often. I know she gets frustrated being stuck in the home so she loves it when she manages to ‘escape’! I’m back in work tomorrow then have 3 days off so looking forward to that. I’m trying to stay positive & just hope the voices stay away.