12th February 2024
I haven’t been able to update anything on my website for a few weeks as the web host has been down. A bit frustrating but hey ho. My counselling is still going well. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to have a session last week as my counsellor had a crisis, so I missed talking to her, but I have a session with her tomorrow. My Care Coordinator was also not able to make it last week due to the snow. She rearranged the visit for tomorrow afternoon. It was a bit difficult without any of my scheduled support but I am still attending the Mind Peer Group online sessions & also the Mind, Body & Soul group which both help in different ways. Last Tuesday we went to my step-daughters birthday meal. It was so good to see most of the family & was great to see our granddaughters again. Fingers crossed we’ll see more of them as time goes on. I went to see my mum yesterday. She was ok but has been down over the last few days. It must be so frustrating for her not to be able to communicate properly with people & with limited movement, but she seems so strong most of the time. I told her I’m so proud of her & all that she achieves & manages to do. I picked up my new glasses today! I think my old ones are at least 20 years old, so it was about time for a replacement pair! It’s my nephew’s birthday on Thursday. I miss him & my sister so much. I keep hoping they’ll move from the USA back to England but I don’t think it’s going to happen. I received a letter from the DVLA last week saying they have written to my GP for further information. I spoke to my doctor but, at the time, she hadn’t received their letter. I asked her not to put negative comments down like my last doctor did. She seemed really impressed with my progress (123 days today without incident) & said she would look at the notes before completing the form. I’m praying I get my licence back soon. It will make a lot of things so much easier. Still keeping my fingers crossed. We haven’t heard anything from our solicitor regarding the NHS complaint & I received an email from the detective about the assault saying she is still waiting for information from the NHS before she can complete the investigation. It just seems everything is taking so long & none of the professionals seem to give a damn. They make out like I’m hassling them, but if I don’t keep on at them, I don’t think they will chase things up. It’s doing my bloody head in.

20th February 2024
I’m feeling quite lost at the moment. Everything just seems to be standing still. We’re still not getting updates from our solicitor or the police about the two reported incidents from last year & it’s so frustrating. I made a formal complaint to West Yorkshire Police last Wednesday about the length of time they appear to be taking over the investigation in to the assault & they wrote back to me yesterday. They gave me dates etc of when they have chased the NHS for details. If the detective had informed me of these I probably wouldn’t have made a complaint. I spoke with my doctor’s about the DVLA form. They have written back to the DVLA requesting a £150 fee for providing them with the relevant information, so I phoned the DVLA who advised they had not yet received this, but they would process it as soon as it is scanned in. Everything is just a waiting game & there doesn’t appear there is any urgency on the so-called professionals completing their investigations. Things just appear to be out of my control, which I’m finding hard to live with. I wrote a poem last night about how I’m feeling out of control. I had my visit with my care coordinator last Tuesday &, unfortunately, that didn’t end well. I don’t know yet when, or if, she will be next visiting. I had yet another good session with my counsellor. I’m due to speak to her again this afternoon which I’m looking forward to. I enjoyed the Mind, Body & Soul group last week. We made our own books out of old maps. I’ve added to mine since I brought it home. I’ve glued on words / images of places in Leeds which mean something to me & why. On Thursday I surprised my mum with a visit as she was really down when I spoke to her on the phone the day before. She was overjoyed, bless her, & broke down in tears. We had a few cups of tea & had a really good natter to each other. I saw her again on Sunday & she seemed in better spirits. This morning I’ve been on the Leeds Mind Peer Support group. I struggled to start with but felt better as the session went on. It really is such a fantastic group of women. We can off-load about anything we need to & we offer each other such great support & advice. I’ve just come back from taking Poppy for a walk which cleared my head a little bit. I may clean up after my counselling session or I may just end up having an afternoon nap.

27th February 2024
Unfortunately, things haven’t moved on much since I was last on here. Still no updates from the police or solicitor, even though I’ve chased them up. I’ve made a telephone appointment with my doctor for tomorrow as I want to try & persuade her to complete the DVLA form whilst they are waiting for the fee to be paid by the DVLA. I’ll even offer to pay it if it hurries things along, but last time they said they can’t do it this way. Unfortunately my mum was rushed in to hospital last week with severe stomach pains. After lots of tests they said it was a gallbladder infection & stones. Poor mum. She’s certainly had her fair share of crap. Even though she’s back in the care home, she’s still struggling mentally. I wish I knew how I could make things better for her. I love her so much & would do anything for her. I’m scared of losing her as she means so much to me. I haven’t heard anything from my Care Coordinator for over a week now, despite several calls & emails. I left another message for her today so will have to wait to see if she contacts me. I’m guessing she won’t be visiting this week, even though she was due to. This isn’t helping my anxiety. My husband isn’t too well mentally at the moment & I know the large majority of that is down to me & my previous behaviours. Again, I wish I could do more to reassure him but I’m guessing only time will build that trust back up again. We went for Sunday dinner at my step-daughters on Sunday which was lovely. The food was fantastic & so was the company. It was great to see our granddaughters again. I miss them so much but am grateful that we still get to see them, no matter what the restrictions are. This morning, on the ‘taking time’ on the Leeds Mind Peer Support Group, I spoke about not feeling in control of my life & the reasons why. I got some brilliant advice from all the members of the group & I’m going to concentrate on these. Hopefully then, in time, things will improve. We’ve had a WhatsApp group set up too so we can all stay in touch throughout the week. I had yet another great counselling session this afternoon. She just ‘gets’ me & offers really sound advice. She suggests things to help which I never thought of. This week I need to write down any intrusive thoughts I am having & then write down if there is any evidence to prove that the thoughts are real / true. I think I may find it hard but anything’s worth a try. I’m looking forward to the Mind, Body & Soul group tomorrow. Even though there’s not many of us there, it’s a great group where I feel totally relaxed. I’m looking forward to giving one of them a diamond painting I have done for them. I hope she likes it!