3rd June 2022
I’ve had quite a good few days. Had our granddaughters staying with us on Wednesday & Thursday which is always nice. They are so well behaved it’s always a pleasure having them. I did have the voice on Wednesday morning but I managed to control it by talking to my husband & using my distraction techniques. Today has been quite a lazy day but I’ve also done little things that I wanted to get done so I’m happy about that. I’m due to see my new Community Mental Health Nurse on Monday. I’m not sure how that’s going to go as I have to go through the whole trust thing again but I’m trying to be open-minded.

6th June 2022
Yesterday and today have not been particularly good days. I had an appointment with the doctor yesterday and whilst I was in the waiting room, due to my anxiety, the voice started. Thankfully my husband was with me & managed to distract me so the voice went away. Today I had a meeting with my new CMHT nurses. Even though it says on my record that they need to ring me if they are going to be late, they just turned up half an hour late without a call so, by the time they arrived, I was already anxious & wound up. Not a great start to the visit. Then it became apparent that they did not know about the trauma I suffered years ago. I would really have thought this was one of the main areas they would be aware of as a lot of this surrounds the trauma. It left me feeling as though they are really not interested which, in turn, made me close down to them. I was really trying to be open-minded about them but, after this, I am really considering telling them not to bother coming anymore & for me just to see the psychiatrist every couple of months. At least she doesn’t let me down & does genuinely seem to care. Then I had to phone the doctors about my increase in medication and sick note. After 2 weeks of my psychiatrist writing to them they still haven’t done either of them. What a waste of time they are. I’m due an assessment with SARSVL tomorrow. In a way I’m looking forward to it as it’s a step forward but I’m also worried about what they may ask or want me to talk about. Fingers crossed it will go well.

7th June 2022
What a difference a day makes! I have just had my assessment with an advocate from SARSVL & it was so refreshing. She was so nice to talk to & very easy to connect with. I feel so much more confident & happy after talking with her & I am encouraged by the support she is going to offer me. I still have to apply for counselling with them on 16th June but I am due to speak with her again next Tuesday so I am really looking forward to that. I am now going to carry on with the positivity & take my puppy out for a nice walk in the sunshine whilst raising awareness for the Mind charity. Hopefully I will be able to get a photo of her wearing her bandana!

13th June 2022
I’ve had a few up & down days. Last Thursday & Friday were not good as the voice was really loud. I am trying to remain positive & focus on things that make me happy. We’re due to go on holiday soon so that’s something to look forward to. Hopefully will get to see our granddaughters soon. I’m still doing the Mind challenge walking my dog. Thanks to friends & family I’ve reached the target so now just need to complete the kilometres. I’m looking forward to speaking to my advocate from SARSVL tomorrow. Hopefully I will feel as good afterwards as I did last week.

14th June 2022
Today has been a good day. I spoke with my advocate who, just like last week, was really nice & friendly and she is so knowledgeable. She is going to get in touch with my psychiatrist and Community Mental Health Nurses as well as the detective who is looking in to my case. I’ve been to visit my parents today. My poor mum has got Covid & is really poorly with it. I wish I could take it away for her. I’ve had a lovely couple of walks with my puppy today which always makes me feel better. I’m just hoping this nice feeling continues.

17th June 2022
The last few days have been good. It’s been quite relaxing. We bought a paddling pool for our puppy. She went in it today for the first time & absolutely loved it & it kept her cool in the heat. I spoke to my doctor today who is going to try & sort out my physical health. Regarding my mental health, even though my psychiatrist wrote to my doctor to change my weekly prescription to monthly, the doctors aren’t too happy about it so want to speak with her. It’s quite annoying as it means I have to go to the chemist every week but I guess I understand why. I also received a call from SARSVL today regarding my referral for counselling. She’s not too sure it will do me good as she’s worried it may be triggering but I told her I felt now is the right time. She is going to speak with my CMHT nurse to discuss it further. Fingers crossed I will get the ok & have my assessment soon. Unfortunately my dad now also has Covid. I’m really worried how both of them will be able to fight it as neither of them are in the best health. I really hope they will both feel better soon.

24th June 2022
I’ve had a pretty crap few days. After catching Covid. my dad then got pneumonia and delirium. Then, following a CT scan, they have said he has two masses on his lungs which looks like cancer. He’s due an appointment with the oncologist in the next 7 days. Bless him. He’s really not very well & is extremely confused. I’m really worried about him. Thankfully, my mum has now tested negative for Covid. Hopefully she won’t catch it off my dad. I really struggled with the voice on Wednesday night. I was so close to doing what the voice was telling me to do. I eventually reached out to a good friend who helped me through it. Yesterday was a better day. We took our puppy to a private field which had like a dog assault course and a paddling pool. She absolutely loved it. I’m still worried what she’s going to be like in a dog kennel when we go on holiday in a couple of weeks. I’m looking forward to our holiday. Hopefully everything will go to plan. I need to try and remain positive.

28th June 2022
Well I’m running around like an idiot trying to get everything together for our holiday. It’s come round so fast. Hopefully we’ll get everything done in time & not be running round at the last minute. My dad’s still not very well & mum’s struggling with the stress of it all. I’m going to see them before we go away. Hopefully he will be a bit better when I go. I really hope everything is ok with them whilst we’re away. My sister & nephew may be coming over earlier than October due to the circumstances. I’m really looking forward to seeing them, even though it’s not under the circumstances that we thought. We’ve decided to leave our puppy with a friend of a friend rather than in a kennel. I’m so relieved she’s going to be in a home. I just hope she behaves herself! I had a consultation with my SARSVL advocate today. She doesn’t have any update from the police but is hoping to get one next week. I do still think about the process sometimes, thinking will it or won’t it go to court & what this may entail. I have a call with Occupational Health in the morning which I’m nervous about as I don’t know what they’re going to say or ask. Then I have a call with Work Place Leeds to discuss work. I’ve managed to reach the dog walking target for Mind & have received donations of over £200 so I’m quite chuffed about that. Hopefully, this time next week I’ll be chilling with a cocktail or two!

30th June 2022
The voices have stayed away for quite a few days now so that’s been a relief. Went to see mum & dad this afternoon. My dad seemed a bit better mentally but physically he’s not very well. He’s so weak & staying in bed most of the time. We’ve got a busy few days coming up prior to going away so hopefully we’ll get everything done in time. I had a call from SARSVL today to say they have put me on the waiting list for the 20 counselling sessions which is good. Unfortunately there is a waiting list of a few months. I’ve had to email work today with another sick note for a month. I hope they’re ok about it all. Hopefully, when we get back from holiday I will feel more confident regarding work again.