19th October 2022
It has certainly been a while since I have updated my website. This is partly due to circumstances but I have also had technical issues. So, what’s happened since 1st July? On 5th July my husband & I went to Benidorm for 2 weeks. It was a gorgeous break away. I am still in touch with SARSVL. They are keeping me informed of the progress of the investigation but it seems to be taking forever. I’m still not sure whether to continue with it. On 31st July my dad fractured his hip & was taken in to hospital. Whilst in there he caught pneumonia, delirium & his cancer had spread. Due to his extreme poor health, my sister & nephew came over from America on 17th August. My dad passed away on 18th August with my sister & I by his side. I am so grateful all of his family were able to see him on the 17th before he passed away. I did have a couple of incidents following this when the voice was too strong but since then I have been safe. I was discharged from CMHT on 23rd September. This was a bit of a shock as I’ve been seeing them for over 2 years but I took it as a positive step. I am due to join an online group for Skills for Dealing with Emotions on 2nd November so I think that may help with my moods & emotions. My sister & her boyfriend then came to England on 7th October. We spread my dad’s ashes in St.Annes on 13th October. We used to go there on holiday as kids &, knowing how much my dad loved the place, it seemed the right place to lay him to rest. We then held his memorial last Sunday which went really well. So many people turned up which we were so grateful for. It was lovely seeing people we haven’t seen for years who helped us celebrate my dad’s life. Following a meeting with work I am due to return on 31st October on a phased return. Although I know I will be anxious on my first day back, I am really looking forward to getting back in to a routine & will be happy to start earning some money again. Fingers crossed I am getting back to a ‘normal’ life, whatever that is!!

23rd October 2022
It’s been quite a busy few days. A mixture of visiting people, shopping & cleaning. Yesterday, for some reason, I was thinking about the trauma quite a lot. I kept getting images & flashbacks. I’m thinking about maybe calling one of the helplines to see if that helps. I’m also due to speak to my SARSVL advocate next Wednesday. We’ve got our granddaughters staying with us today & tomorrow so that should keep my mind occupied for a while. I just hope I’m not going backwards again.

27th October 2022
I spoke with my SARSVL advocate on Wednesday which was a little triggering. She was explaining the process if it goes to the CPS or if it doesn’t. I should know by the end of November what the decision is going to be. The counselling they offer has a 9 – 12 month waiting list which is ridiculous, as it’s supposed to support you through the process. So, I’ve decided to have private counselling. I feel now is the time I need to talk through what happened and how it’s made me feel. I hope this will help me through all the stages and maybe put some demons to bed. My first introductory session is next Tuesday. My sister has sent me a copy of all the poems I wrote around 30 years ago. Reading these put me back to how I was then. I would never talk to anyone about what happened &, the only way I could get my feelings out, was by writing poems. I’ve added one of them to my poem page.