October ’23
20th October 2023
Once again, I haven’t been able to update this site for a while as I have been back in hospital for a few weeks. I was on a general ward and then transferred to the Becklin Centre Ward 5. The voice has been quite bad & loud and I wasn’t able to control it very well so I have had quite a few bad incidents. I came home on Wednesday & it’s great to be here. I’ve enjoyed being back with my husband & dog and, fingers crossed, the voice has stayed away the most of the time. I am still having my private counselling once a week and I am still under the Community Mental Health Team. My care coordinator visited me yesterday & she is going to speak to me / visit me once a week. Hopefully this will be enough support, on top of my husband’s. I’m due to go to the coast next Wednesday with a good friend to give our dogs a nice walk on the beach, weather permitting., which I’m really looking forward to. I have made a ‘to do’ list which should hopefully keep me busy and keep the voice away. I’m looking forward to seeing my mum on Sunday. We have, eventually, put together her bird table! I think she’s going to love it. I need to try and get in to see my GP next week, mainly to discuss my medication. I haven’t seen her for a while so we’ll have quite a bit to catch up on. Fingers crossed this weather improves and I can start taking our dog out for nice long walks.
23rd October 2023
The past couple of days have been good. I’ve kept busy by doing things around the house & visited my mum yesterday which was good. It was great to see her again as I hadn’t seen her for a few weeks. She loved the bird table! Today I had my third session with Cruse Bereavement. My counsellor there is really nice & easy to talk to. We talked a lot about the type of person my dad was & what my memories were whilst growing up. Tomorrow I have my private counselling session, which always seems to go well. I’m also going on to the online support group in the morning which I haven’t been on for months so I’m looking forward to seeing the ladies again. I tried to get an appointment with my GP today but they have advised I need to go through my Care Coordinator when I’m under the CMHT. Typical! I was on hold for 45 minutes to be told that. I think it is time for me to change my surgery as I have had a lot of issues with mine over the last year or so. My car managed to get through it’s MOT today thank goodness! Even though I’m not able to drive it for a few months it still needed it’s MOT & I need to tax it at the end of this week. We have thought about selling it & then getting another car when I am able to drive but it’s quite a lot of hassle so I think we’ll just keep this one. I haven’t had the voice so something must be working. Maybe just being home with my husband & dog is therapy in itself.
27th October 2023
I had a busy day on Tuesday. Firstly I went on to the Jelly Babes online session. It was lovely to see all the ladies again after a few weeks & was great to catch up. Then I had my session with my private counsellor. We talked about all sorts & she gave me a bit of helpful advice, suggesting I didn’t read a trauma book which I had bought as she thinks it may be too triggering. On Wednesday I didn’t get to the seaside as unfortunately my friend had Covid. So I decided to go to the Old Gipton Fire Station to Space2. They hold art & crafts / mindful sessions for women only. I was a bit nervous about going & meeting people face to face who I haven’t met before but I’m really glad I went. We did a bit of mindfulness & then did some tie dying. I wasn’t very artistic but I enjoyed it. I even got the bus there & back on my own, which may not seem a major thing for most people but for me it is. I was really proud of myself! I’m looking forward to going to the next session in a couple of weeks time. On Thursday I had a telephone appointment with a GP. She confirmed she would add heart burn tablets to my repeat prescription so that’s good. Then around lunchtime I had a call from CMHT. I was on for a total of just over 3 minutes! What great support, not. I don’t know why she even bothered, but I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m due to see my own Care Coordinator on Monday so hopefully that will be better. I had a couple of really bad dreams last night. In the first one I dreamt someone I worked with got murdered by her husband. Then in the second one, someone else I used to work with attempted suicide & I was asked to speak to his mum. I don’t know why I had these dreams but I hope I don’t have them again. Today I have, eventually, taken my diamond painting to Oasis House. I saw one of the workers who remembered me so it was really nice. They loved what I had done & said they’re going to put it up in reception. I also took my registration form in to the new doctors. They said it will only take 24 hours to complete the process so that’s good. In a way, I’m gutted not to be able to see my own GP anymore as I had a good rapport with her but I’m so fed up of of how bad other things are there.
31st October 2023
We had a lovely visit with my mum on Sunday. We took our 2 year old Labrador so they were both excited to see each other. My husband took her for a run on the field & then we all spent time together on my mum’s patio area. Yesterday I had my fourth session with my Cruse Bereavement worker. We spoke quite a lot about my dad & my memories of him recently & spoke about a few other things which helped. It was the first time I have been close to tears. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. We only have another two sessions left but she did remind me that they have a helpline as well (I’ve put a link to their web page on my Events / Link page). Then, yesterday afternoon, my Care Coordinator visited. She is really nice, knowledgeable & supportive. She does what she says she’s going to do which is refreshing. We talked about what I had been doing over the last week & how things in general had been going. I’m seeing her again in a couple of weeks. She is going to refer me to the Leeds Mind CMHT Peer Support Worker to give me a bit more support. This morning I went on to the Jelly Babes online support group. There was only 4 of us today but it was still good to see them & have a good natter. This afternoon I had my online session with my counsellor. I still can’t believe how fast the hour goes! I love talking with her & she is such a great support for me. She’s not afraid to tell me if she doesn’t agree with certain things I am doing & explains why it may not be a good idea. I told her I have been incident free for 18 days today but that I still have almost 5 & a half months until I can reapply for my driving licence so 18 days doesn’t seem that long. She told me to take one day at a time & to be proud of my achievements, no matter how small they may seem to me. I don’t have any other appointments this week so it should be quite a quiet week for a change. Maybe I can tick off a few things from my ‘to do’ list & work through some of the distress tolerance worksheets my care coordinator kindly printed off for me. I’m hoping the next week is going be just as positive as this last week. OK, time to prepare for all the Halloweeners!