16th September 2023
I haven’t updated my site for a while as I’ve been in hospital for 8 weeks. I took an overdose on 12th July &, instead of being sent to the Becklin Centre, I was sent to a place called Oasis House. What a beautiful place this is. They are there for people in Crisis & offer a great service, although the maximum stay is one week. It has a lovely garden and is so peaceful. Unfortunately, on 19th July, I took another overdose & cut my wrists. I think I was found by a member of the public near to Fearnville Sports Centre & taken to hospital by ambulance. The voice had been so loud, telling me I needed to protect people and then to kill myself. I was put on a section and, on 25th July, I was admitted to ward 1 at the Becklin Centre. Although there were quite a few incidents while I was there, in the end, thanks to some of the fabulous staff & Andy’s support, I came out the other side. I wrote quite a few poems whilst I was in there (these are on my website) and have found some new distraction techniques. I have been home 3 days and, so far, so good. I have kept busy but also enjoyed some peaceful rest. It’s great to be back home with Andy & Poppy. I need to remember how good this feels when the voice starts. Intensive Support Services have been visiting / calling since I came home and I am due to be handed over to the Community Mental Health Team on Monday. I have also registered for a mindfulness group which is held at the Old Gipton Fire Station on a Wednesday morning & am just waiting to hear if I have been accepted. I have still been having my weekly private counselling sessions which are still helping me and I am hoping to re-join the women’s online support group (called the Jelly Babes!) on Tuesday mornings. I hope I can keep going and use the necessary tools to keep me out of hospital.

17th September 2023
I’m really worried about my husband’s heatlh. He’s been in bed all day today with stomach ache. He’s so exhausted from looking after me & our dog I think it’s affecting him physically as well as mentally. I wish I could do more to make him feel better. I managed to go to my mum’s this afternoon. It was really nice to see her again. We tried to put her bird table together but didn’t have the right screwdriver so hopefully we’ll be able to do it next time I visit her on Wednesday. My husband and I have a really busy week next week with appointments & meetings. I’m hoping he will be able to make it to his appointments, especially the ones regarding his health. He’s cancelled a few recently due to him not feeling up to going to them but it’s really important for him to go. I’m keeping my fingers crossed he’ll feel better when he wakes up. I’ve got someone from Intensive Support Services coming tomorrow afternoon. It will be their last visit before I get passed to the Community Mental Health Team so hopefully it will go well.

19th September 2023
It’s been an exhausting day mentally today. I went back on to the online support group this morning. It was great to see them all again & nice to catch up. Then I had my private counselling session. The hour goes so fast. I really trust her & feel I can talk to her about anything. She does question me about some things I say, which is fair, & she keeps telling me to take one day at a time at the moment & not try to look too far in to the future. I need to try & remember this. Then I have just had a call with Work Place Leeds about my job. Certain things have been decided which I think are for the best right now & I’m just waiting for them to confirm the next steps. I’m still worried about my husband’s health but he did keep his appointments yesterday which I’m pleased about. Hopefully he will keep the rest of his appointments as he’s already cancelled one as he’s too worried about me being on my own overnight. Hopefully, in time, we will both feel comfortable about me spending time on my own, whether it be inside or outside of the house. We’re both hoping to see my mum tomorrow &, hopefully, we will be able to put her bird table together for her.

24th September 2023
It’s been a busy week with appointments for both myself & my husband. I went to see my mum on Wednesday. She wasn’t feeling too good as she had bad stomach ache but it was still nice to see her. I spoke to her yesterday & the home have bought her a budgie!! All I could hear was the bird squawking in the background! I think it’s a great idea as it will give her some company. I’m visiting her today &, hopefully, we will put the bird table together. On Thursday I saw my Care Coordinator for the first time. She seems ok & she was actually early arriving so that’s a good sign as, when people are late, my anxiety goes through the roof. She stayed for around 50 minutes. We went through my safety plan / distraction techniques. She’s emailed me lots of paperwork relating to DBT skills so I’ll have a look through those. I’m seeing her again on 6th October. On Friday I had a call from Money & Me at Workplace Leeds. He’s going to go through our finances to see if we are eligible for any vouchers or other benefits. I’m hoping we are as we are struggling every month at the moment. My husband has managed to attend all of his appointments this week which I’m really pleased about as he needs to look after himself before he looks after others. He’s struggling with his health again today so I’m going to go to the chemist to see if I can get something to make him feel better. Next week is full of appointments for us both so it’s going to be busy again.