June 2023 Journal

5th June 2023
I haven’t written on here for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately, a member of my husband’s family passed away last week so it’s been a tough few days for him & everyone involved. The funeral is in a couple of weeks. We are going to put a bit of a playlist together for the wake. I have a lot of my support coming to an end this week. I think it is my last session with my SARSVL advocate which is going to be hard as she’s supported me for over a year. Last week was my last call with my MIND support worker & also with my Linking Leeds support worker. It is the last online support group session tomorrow morning but unfortunately I am going to miss it as I am due in court. I am dreading it. My solicitor is going to ask for another adjournment as he wants the prosecution to read my GP’s medical notes. We are hoping the case will be dropped but I guess we’ll have to wait and see. I am really glad I still have good support from my private counsellor. Sometimes I wish I could speak to her more than once a week. I need to make an appointment with my GP next week for another sick note & also to bring her up to date with what’s been going on over the last 4 weeks. I think the nice weather has made me feel a bit better. It’s nice to be able to get some warm fresh air. We looked after our granddaughters last week for a few days which was really good fun. They are so well behaved so it makes it a lot easier. Hopefully, this good weather will continue.

13th June 2023
Well, I managed to survive court, although only just. I ended up getting a 12 month conditional discharge but it could have been worse. I just need to keep trying hard with my mental health so I’m not in that position again. I managed to take my mum to the opticians for her new glasses. She did have one of her ‘do’s’ where she appears to faint, but after about 5 minutes I managed to get her back round. My counselling session went well, as always. I really look forward to these sessions as it gives me the chance to off-load & talk about what’s been going on. I’m looking forward to my next session this afternoon. I struggled again on the trauma group session on Thursday. I just started thinking about the bad things that had happened in the last week & ended up crying. I spoke with my GP yesterday. She seems happy with how things are going. She’s really easy to talk to & she seems really thorough. She gave me another sicknote for a month. I’ve updated my manager & I think she is now just waiting for the report from my Occupational Health call this afternoon. It will be 3 months this Thursday since I had my last incident. This will hopefully mean I will get my driving licence back. I’m just waiting for the DVLA to get in touch with my GP. I’m dreading Father’s Day this Sunday. It will be the first one since my dad passed away. We’re hoping to go to Lytham St.Annes which is where we scattered his ashes. I’ll have a good chat to him.

26th June 2023
It’s been a very emotional couple of weeks for several reasons. On Father’s Day, we took my mum to Gledhow, which is where I used to play cricket & where my dad umpired. We took a photo of him & his ashes & raised a glass to him. It would also have been my best bud’s birthday. She passed away in 2019 from cancer, so we raised a glass to her too. My husband went to A & E on 19th June. He’d been getting pains in his leg & the doctor had told him the week before he may have a blood clot. Eventually he agreed he should get it checked out. The hospital doctor did diagnose a blood clot so now he has to inject himself twice every day for 3 months. They will then check him again to see if the clot has broken up. I’m really hoping it doesn’t reach his lungs or his heart. I am really worried about him. My step-son, Andrew, arrived from Australia on 21st June. He had come over for his grandma’s funeral, which was on 22nd June. Although it was of course a very emotional day, it was a lovely service to remember her by. It was lovely to spend some time with Andrew. We hadn’t seen him for 6 years. On 24th June my step-daughter treated us all to a gorgeous meal in Garforth. It was lovely to spend some time all together. I have my last session with my SARSVL advocate this Wednesday. I’m not looking forward to it, but I knew it was coming. I’m still having my weekly private counselling sessions which I think are going well. She has suggested I try some different distraction techniques like writing things down in a journal & phoning someone if I feel as though I’m struggling. I have tried it in the past week & it seems to be going well. I’m looking forward to my next session with her tomorrow. Today I’ve received a letter from the DVLA saying they have written to my doctor for information about my medical issues before they decide if I can have my licence back. I’m going to try & book an appointment with her later this week to ask her if she’s received it & prompt her to respond as soon as possible. It’s been over 3 months since my last incident, so I don’t see why she shouldn’t be positive in her responses. I need to pay my court fees this week which is £111.00 – money I don’t really have but I have no option but to pay it. I’m going to see my mum this afternoon. It will be nice to catch up with her as I haven’t seen her for over a week.

28th June 2023
I’ve just had my last session with my SARSVL advocate. It was very emotional. She has supported me so well over the last year & seen me through so much. She was saying how well I have done which makes me feel a bit proud of myself but I know I wouldn’t have been able to get through things without her & others support. I had a good session with my counsellor yesterday. We covered a few things. Then I had an appointment with my GP. I still have to have someone else in the room with us, which I find quite off-putting. I asked her how long this has to go on for & she said she would mention it to the other doctors so hopefully they will agree it can be stopped. She confirmed she’d received a letter from the DVLA but couldn’t say when she’d be able to fill it in & return it. I’m going to leave it until Friday & then phone them to see if I can persuade them to sort it out. I’m desperate to get my licence back! The Primary Mental Health worker phoned me again this morning but, because I was due to start my session with SARSVL, we weren’t able to talk about things. She said she’d phone me tomorrow but she’s said that before & never does. It really makes me feel anxious & angry when people say they’ll phone me & they don’t keep to it. Maybe I need to explain this to her, if I ever get to speak to her. I’m still really worried about my husband’s health. I wish I could do more for him to make him feel better. I’m not sure if we’re going to be able to make it to the caravan in the middle of July. We’ll have to see how everything is when the time gets nearer. I’m really hoping we make it. I think my mum’s looking forward to it, bless her.