Guilt

What did I do that was so bad?
A magic wand I wish I had
So I could get rid of these feelings of self-hate
He said I deserved it because I was late

So why was I then assaulted again?
The same bad feelings still remain
Will I ever get over feeling like this?
Wanting to end it, something’s amiss

There must be a reason for it, but I don’t know what
I must have been bad, I deserved what I got
So tonight I was certain I’d bring an end to it now
It would stop these thoughts, it doesn’t matter how

In my head I spoke to all those I love
Including those in heaven above
Asking for forgiveness for me being so weak
But my life right now looks so bleak

All day I’d thought of ending my life
Not by ligaturing or using a knife
I don’t know what made me leave my bed
There must have been something inside my head

I didn’t account for Emily’s advice
To write things down, that should suffice
So here I am, doing what she said
Not trying to kill myself instead

I know some people just treat you like dirt
Messing you around, making you hurt
But there are good people out there too
Who do really care, their words are true
I was so convinced tonight I’d be dead
But thank to Emily, I’m just off to bed