December 2024 Journal

4th December 2024
I haven’t updated my website for almost 8 months. Unfortunately I was in hospital for almost 7 months but now I am at home & my recovery is going well. I am now 62 days incident free! A lot went on during my hospital stay but I’m not allowed to share it with the public. So, what has been going on since I got discharged? My sister & her partner, Julian, came over from America for just over 2 weeks. I managed to get discharged the day after they arrived. We had lots of visits to different places, spent quality time together & they visited mum every day. It was great seeing them again & just wish they lived closer. Hopefully they’ll be able to visit again soon. My private counselling is going really well. I fully trust my counsellor, which is important, & I always look forward to talking to her. Sometimes I wish I could talk with her more often than once a week. I have recently been discharged from the Intensive Support Services & am now under the Community Mental Health Team. I’m not sure how this is going to work out but I’m trying not to be negative. My husband has been really poorly so I have been trying my best to look after him at home. I really hope his health improves soon as he’s been through it over the last few months. During my stay in hospital & since coming home, I have written a lot of poems. It is going to take me a while to publish them, but I’ll make a start today. I’m going to add a new page showing positive songs which help me when I’m feeling down or vulnerable. I hope some of these help others too. 

8th December 2024
Quite a lot has happened in the last few days. The BBC report which was filmed back in April went out this week. It was about my complaint of a receptionist filming me in hospital having a psychotic episode & then sharing it with 20 other people on a WhatsApp group. He even kept his job. The BBC were so supportive all the way through. We also gave a radio interview with BBC Leeds & both of these reports went out on Thursday. The report was also on the BBC website & was in the top 10 stories read. It was difficult doing it but, if it helps just one person, it will all be worth it. Some people don’t have a ‘voice’, so if it encourages them, or their families, to reach out, that would be so good. It was amazing what support I received from close friends to friends I haven’t spoken to in a long time. It was quite humbling. I received a friend request from a lady I was friends with in Darlington hospital & she shared the report on her Facebook page which was really nice of her. I even had a member of the press turn up at my door, but I didn’t feel up to talking to him as it was all quite overwhelming. Yesterday we took our granddaughters out toy shopping which was great & a great distraction from the previous days. It was lovely seeing their faces & great to spend some quality time with them as I haven’t seen them for a while. I’m going to put some more poems on my site which I wrote in hospital so they may not be particularly happy ones, but they will be honest. I am not looking back though & I have gone 68 days without incident.

18th December
I had a call last week with my new GP regarding my medication. She was really helpful & friendly. She is the best doctor I have ever had as she is thorough & listens to what I have to say. I’m speaking to her again in about 3 weeks. I made the big step of going to see my counsellor face to face last week. I have never met her in person as for the 18 months I have been talking to her, they have all been on Microsoft Teams. I was a bit apprehensive as I wasn’t sure how I would feel but it went well. I did a diamond art painting for her & she really liked it so I was chuffed. I’m speaking to her again this afternoon so I’m looking forward to that. Then last Friday I had a visit from CMHT. We discussed my safety plan in case I need it in the future (hopefully not). They’re coming again on Monday & we’re going to create my care plan. On Saturday I really struggled to sleep & I got a few flashbacks. I wrote a poem about it which helped a little. My counsellor suggested I rip it up as this can make it go out of your mind, which I did, & it did help. Remember that tip as sometimes it can help to get rid of bad thoughts. On Sunday a few of the family went for pizza & then to the theatre to watch Jack & The Beanstalk Rock & Roll. If it wasn’t for the music, I’m not sure I would have enjoyed it but it was good. I really don’t like it in town as there’s too many people around, but I had my husband with me which made me feel safer. I caught up with a friend yesterday which was really nice. We exchanged presents & then chewed the fat. She is such a good friend & has been really supportive over the last several years. It’s a good feeling knowing someone will listen & offer support. I actually got round to putting the Christmas decorations up yesterday so it looks a bit more festive. I have now gone 79 days without any incident so I’m quite proud about that. Long may it continue!

22nd December
I had yet another great session with my counsellor on Wednesday online. I’m not speaking to her now until 2nd January & this will be face-to-face. I’m actually looking forward to it. My confidence is growing about going to see her. I had my hair done yesterday. It makes me feel better in myself, although it never looks like it does at the hairdressers when I do it myself! I went to visit my mum this afternoon. She was ok, although a bit emotional. I spoke with my sister whilst I was there which was really nice to catch up. CMHT are coming tomorrow to do my care plan. I’m not sure when I will next see them next, probably in the new year. We’re going to my mum’s on Christmas day. Andy is making dinner for us all which will be really nice. Can’t wait!